Mass Messers
by cvibesdoho
Summary: When three people, only knowing each other from Fanfiction happen into the Mass Effect universe, Shepard can't resist the urge to recruit them. Collab between me, Lagger123987 and Wolfangel75. May contain swearing beyond the "T" rating.
1. Prologue

(Taavi224´s point of view)

Time goes fast, huh? It felt just like minutes ago, I had started chatting with another FF writer, Lagger123987 and the ohter writer, Wolfangel75. We planned to make a collab fic together. Already forty-five minutes had passed, and we only had the main outline of the first chapter, mainly because we wandered off topic. Certain Turians, Javelin missiles, Cod: MW2 and and even science teachers, they all came as subjects in the conversation. And can you believe it, my iPod touch crashed!

I turned another side in my bed. Due to time difference, we could only chat when it was about midnight for me with Lagger. With the other writer we had a two hour time difference. I looked at my alarm clock for a second and realized that it was 1 o'clock already. Another sleepless night. Pretty much. I yawned and pulled the blanket over my head. Steps were heard and my door opened.

"He sleeping?" asked my mother.

"Seems so." answered dad. He turned on the radiator and left.

I yawned again. I stayed still and cleared my thoughts, trying to get some sleep. It came, eventually.

***later***

I opened my eyes at the cold sunlight pouring in throught the window. There were snoring noises coming from the next room, so I most likely was the only person awake. I picked up my iPod and checked the mail. 5 new letters. New chapter of Mass Vexations, a review to my story, "Total Failure", Frontierville energy, a reply from dsarp, and… a message with no subject. I opened it first and saw the following:

To: Idi´Prazza vas Neema nar Idenna  
From: Tali'Zorah vas Neema nar Rayya

Where did you go? It´s supposed to be a **COVERT **operation, not a straight shootout. Come quick, I got mechs on my tail, and I´m alone. Keelah Sel´lai.

What the-? I mean, yes, this was one of the discussed beginning for the fic, but this was not just some story. What if, what if it was real! But it can't affect me. I mean, Shepard arrives just in time and even if I wanted to, I couldn't get to Mass Effect universe. Bloody Mary in front of a mirror does not work, tested. But… Something told me that it was different. Why should a message like this even get to me? I'm a random student, after all.

No matter, just message got lost or something. So, next one is Frontierville energy. Just go back as I can't play the game on an iPod. Mass Vexations chapter, I'll deal with it later. On to the review! Wait… It's just a dot. Crazy people. Dsarp's, or his main account, Lagger123987's message:

_I asked WolfAngel75 if she's wants to do a three way collab here's  
our convers, though I'm using my lagger123987 account._

Lagger123987

Yesterday, 2:51pm Noticed you haven't been workin on your ME FFs, any plans  
to continue working on it?

WolfAngel75

Yesterday, 3:01pm Yup. Hang on I'm writing a new chapter for one now

Lagger123987

Yesterday, 3:10pm just wonderin thats all, i'm currently doing a collabo with  
Tavvi224, goin start writing it later if I'm not asleep by then, I'll still  
available for a collab if u want, just not up to the task to workin my own fic  
ATM. Though I been thinking of doing a collab fic between you, me, and

Tavvi224...

WolfAngel75

Yesterday, 3:21pm That would be awesome

Lagger123987

Yesterday, 3:27pm If you want, ill ask Tavvi224 if u want to be part of it,  
threes company is not a bad thing, can get more interesting than just having  
two ppl collabo. Though I get that feeling we might make another team milkyway  
fic, since we'll be using MSN to communicate on making the dialogues and other  
ideas to throw around.

WolfAngel75

Yesterday, 4:10pm Yes, ask him ;D I'm down

Lagger123987

Yesterday, 4:25pm Great! This should be better than our last work, hopefully  
this time, we can stack reviews, hits, and viewers. I'll send a PM to him,  
also for the record, I have a 2nd account on ...I use that account to talk to  
Tavvi224, make two accounts one for serious writing and one for messing

around...

WolfAngel75

Yesterday, 5:03pm OK, so what is the account?

Lagger123987

a moment ago dsarp...dont ask why I use that name, and I'll send the whole  
convers to Tavvi224 see what he said about doing a three way collab.

Wait, why is the old message showing up as unread?

I put the iPod back into the drawer and then threw my head on the pillow and slept some more.

I was awaken by my sister running into the room and telling me a story about her new "Harry Potter" Legos. I took my clothes from the side of my bed and dressed up. Mom was already downstairs, and I went there as well.

"Hey!" I greeted.

"We're out of milk. You want pancakes, right?"

"Yeah."

"Could you go to the store then?"

"Okay."

I shut the door behind me. It was a typical winter morning in Estonia. Snow everywhere, cold wind and vehicles everywhere, pushing snow out of the way. I turned around the corner and crossed a small street, and ten seconds later reached a main road. The light was green, so I walked over the road. I instinctively checked for my wallet, as the store was in my sights.

Left pocket - just my iPod. Right pocket - never been emptier. Whoops. Forgot it. Now I have to go all the way back and get scolded for forgetting everything. "Everything", right.

The light had switched to green again and I walked across the road, but accidentally tripped in the middle. I struggled to get up in the winter clothes. When I finally did that I noticed my light still being green and I continued forward. Wait, were they sounds of a speeding car? I quickly walked towards home, but the sounds came closer and I turned my head towards it. The car's brakes crying on the ice. The car coming closer. Me freezeing in shock. A hit to my stomach. Darkness overcame me.

(At approx the samet ime, Lagger123987´s POV)

Finally, another day in junior college done, heading home to continue playing Mass Effect 2 and chatting up with Lil' Tav and game is a like drug to me for some unknown reason, just can't stop playing it, well, mostly can't stop playing it, when there's new DLC to go around...

Anyway, walking down the street I encounter someone getting beat up by two guys, I ran up to them and yelled, "Stop beating him up!" The two guys turned around, one I recognize is one of my best friends and spoke, "What up, T Loc! joining in?" I replied, "What the hell man? Beating up one of my friends?" He looks at me with a confused face, "Wait, this reaper ** is a friend of yours?" right there I twitch my face a bit, "Didn't I tell you I'm the middleman between the TRGs (short for The Reaper Gang) and the ABZs (short for Azn Boyz)? I have friends both sides, if they want to settle a dispute come to me for it, not taking action right away." Picking up my friend's rival, "Go home, and don't mention anything about this encounter al'ight?"

As I'm watching the rival TRG member limp home, I turn and speak to Sicco Blue, "Next time, call me if you settle things down, you know I'm trying to make the neighborhood a better place..." Sicco Blue said, "Yeah, Yeah, I know after you got caught busted, you been trying to go clean ever since, so, heading home to play that game?" I smirked, "Yeah, don't I always?" The three of us laugh as we start to walk to my house, one I thing noticed was a car creeping up behind us at a slow speed.

I whispered to the two of them, "Car behind us, moving way too slow on these streets..." The dude that I didn't know replied, "No worries, maybe just some stalker chick wanna bang with us." As he chuckled...right there the car starts to pick up speed, that's when I noticed four Glock 17s out of the window.

"HOLY ** RUN!" I yelled. Unlike my two companions that are used to running around the streets and firing their Glock 19s from what I can tell, I'm limping behind (since when was the last time I been a street rat? 2 years ago?) pulling my M92 Beretta that I got from my uncle who work in the town's police department and firing at the drive-by car, my .44 Magnum Desert Eagle I got for my 18th birthday from my dad still on my holster, my dad knows I like firearms and wanted to own one for recreational shooting and target practice...as shots are being fired...tried to run as hard as I can come on, faster! Almost home! Breathing hard as I can tried to get to my house just a block away, right there, I began to feel the impact of the bullets on my back then fall to the floor, I try to gain conscious but my vision starts to blur till everything is all white...next thing I know after gaining consciousness, from what I can tell, I'm not at home anymore...

(And… WolfAngel75´s POV)

I grunt as I fell off my bed, bumping my head on my junk sprawled out all over the wooden floor. Shitcicle, I finally have a nice dream and I wake up. Typical.

I force my eyes open and glance at my alarm clock. In bright red letters it said 4:48. Ah man, too early, but might as well get up, need to talk to Lagger or Taavi and check my stories for any new reviews.

I pushed myself up and ran a hand through my brown wavy hair, it was notty, as it always it was in the mornings.

Once I brushed my hair I came into the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth, etc. I came back into my messy bedroom and sat at my desk, flipping my laptop lid open. Two messages and one review for my mass effect story; Into the Mass...Yeah that's a positive review.

I checked the two messages from Taavi and Lagger then replied. See, I was doing a collab with them.

"Ellise?" came a boys voice, a little high-pitched. I recognised it straight away. I sighed and rubbed my temples. "What Harrison?" I snapped. He came into the room and sat on my bed. I rose an eye brow. "Well?" I asked aafter a pause of silence he said "can I go on your game assassin's creed?" I sighed annoyed. He came in here for that?

"As long as you sign into your profile sure, now get," I said pointing to the door. He rushed out the door and I returned to my computer, starting to write my POV.

Once I wrote it I posted it and closed the lid when I hear my little sister wake up, all I'm saying is that she's the devil in disguise.

"Ellise!" I groan and go into my mums room, instantly recoiling and covering my eyes when I saw her with her boyfriend naked in the bed, "** hell mum!" I yell. "I didn't need to see that," I snap. Her boyfriend, Matt, rolled his eyes. "You- you see it everyyday you tart!" he slurs, drunk as always, I cringe in disgust and keep my eyes on the floor, away from him. "I need you to go to tesco," my ocean blue eyes snapped to her shocked.

"Mum, there is a storm outside! I'm not going out there!" she glares at me and I sigh frustrated. knowing I can't win. I turn and on my heel and was about to walk down stairs when I realised I was in hello kitty shorts and a black tank top.

"Whoops," I muttered going back to my bedroom, didn't want to go out with just this on.

I put on a long sleeved purple top with a V-neck and faded blue ripped Jeans with blue converse sneakers. I pursed my lips and picked up my video camera. I take it everywhere with me.

I put on a white sweat shirt and bounced down the stairs and swung open the front door before running out in the rain.

After I got the stuff my mum wanted I started to run to my house, stupid rain. I dropped the bags when a blinding white flash in my eyes and a huge boom that pounded in my ears. Lighting. I could hear my heart beating frantically in my ears. Sweat started to drop from my brow. "Holy **," I breathed. That nearly hit me. That nearly ** hit me!

I decided I liked living so I sprint across the road not caring if there's cars zooming past and beeping at me. I felt my right foot splash into a puddle, as if I wasn't wet enough! I pushed my wet hair away from my face, annoyed.

Everything was coming down in tiny bullets. The rain hitting my skin was slightly painful now, and the sky was lighting up with far-off cracks of lightning, followed by thunder that increased in volume each time it rang.

The sky lit up again, a blinding purple for a second. It was closely followed by that inevitable boom that pounded upon my ears, my feet splashing into more large puddles.

** perfect. I bet I looked like a drowned rat. Shitcicle, I was screwed for sure. The lighting sounded like it was getting closer. My lungs were on fire and I swore I just went to wrong way to my house.

And then it happened.

A thick, crooked line of light collided with the pavement, the lightning making an earthquake sound as it hit the road not four feet away from me. "Holy **!" I shrieked, walking backwards, unlucky for me there was a stupid stray rock and I trip over it, falling on my **.

I got up, shaking, scared shitless. I brake into an unsteady sprint, my heart punching my chest, I swear it was going to explode.

I turn around the corner, and that familiar vibration on the ground away feet behind me, told me that the storm was stalking me.

I then discovered people lied when they said you life flashes before your eyes.

The pitch-black sky brightened up again. A crooked light descended from the sky, striking me the way a snake does. Quick and deadly.

My blood was vibrating in my veins, shaking crazy energy through my entire body. The burning white light never left my eyes, Everything was bright, and blinding, and immaculately white, and very, very warm, And as quick as it started. It stopped.

That was the last thing I felt before the icky darkness finally took over.

_A/N: So, review!_


	2. Did you say their heads blow up?

(Taavi224´s POV)

Is this what happens to dead people? I open my eyes and shut them again, because of the blinding light. I try again for a few times and finally look around. Hey, is that Wolfangel there? And that must be Lagger. It looks like a dining table, albeit a very futuristic one. Is this… no, can't be. Or maybe- I cant finish thinking as the door whooshes open and a LOKI mech comes in.

"Hostiles detected," it says in a female voice. It raises a heavy pistol and starts shooting. Fortunately, there is a low wall between us and I take cover behind it. Gunshots pling against the wall and one of them penetrates my cover, flying out next to me. I wait for it to come closer and when it moves around the corner, I grab it's arm and jerk it backwards. It comes off and I pick up the arm. Then I raise the robot hand above me and smash it into the mech's head.

Whooops… they explode if the head gets damaged! I vault the wall I was taking cover behind just in time to feel the shockwave going off above me. The others seem to wake too.

Lagger stands up and asks: "You killed it?" I nod and pull the gun out of it's hand. He checks his pockets and draws Beretta M9.

"Nice to see we're armed." I note. At the same time Wolfangel starts to move and slowly stands to her feet.

"Where's my gun?" she asks.

"You don't need it," I joke, "You broke a boy's nose once with your fists, you can use them now too. Besides, I heard that Turians like people with hand to hand combat skills."

"I´m gonna punch you?"

"Nah. Not in the mood to get punched by a girl."

Lagger bursts laughing: "Back to the Tav/WA conflict."

"Any of you know what's on the other side of the door?" she asks.

"Other than we're in the Mass Effect universe, no."

"It kind of reminds me of Freedom's progress," Lagger adds.

We all walk out of the door, where the LOKI came in, and snow starts falling onto our clothes. They are not the same winterwear I had on when I "died". I check my pocket, and surprisingly find my iPod there.

"That's strange," I mutter and pull it out for a second, then put it back into my pocket.

(Wolfangel75´s POV)

I glare at Tav as he and Lag laugh. Dammit! a girl can't think Turians are badass and kinda cute without people having the wrong idea!  
I saw Tav take out an iPod. I frown as he mutters "What the...?"  
I remembered my video camera and took it out. "Er..." I said, then put it back in my pocket. "I guess this is really happening huh? how did you guys get here?" I asked, noticing a bit of colour drain from their faces.  
"The last thing I remember is a car coming towards me..." Tav trails off. So he got ran over? overkill "I thought I was dead," he continues. Lag shakes his head "I got shot," both Tav and I looked at him with raised eye brows.

How can he say that so casual? Ah well. "I got hit by lightning," I said, smiling sheepishly, while rubbing the back of my neck. They looked at me like I was crazy.  
"Wow, you really are the crazy girl huh?"

I glare while saying "Hey!"

Lag barks out a laugh and loads his gun. I rolled my eyes at the boys "Men," I muttered and staring looking around the small room for a weapon. "What are you doing?" Tav asked as I kicked a crate.

"Well, I want a gun and I'm not going to find one just standing there while you two idiots laugh your head off," they start the protest but I cut them off. "I'll use my fists of fury when I get the chance to show them off though," Tav smirks and I really didn't like it.

"So you can show Gary-boy your skills and get him to fall in love-" that did it. Before he could even blink I swept my feet under his and he fell on his back. Lag laughed at him. I stand up and rose an eye brow at him.

„So, harassing younger boys, are we?" Tav notes.

"On MSN I can't harm you. But this is the real world buddy," I smirk but it fades into a confused look. "At least I think it is. I'm not dreaming am I?" I ask Lag, but before he could say anything a FENRIS Mech comes through.

Before anybody could do anything I leap forward and kick it in its chest, It only stumbles back but then Lag shoots it with his gun, bullet went through its chest but didn't do much damage, stupid magnum. So I grab the Mech and twist it's head off, it fell to the floor and Tav's eyes widen. "Take cover!" he yelled. I frowned confused at first but then remembered that teeny tiny detail about robots.

I dove for cover, only to crash into a crate from the blast of the Mech.

"Ow," I mumble, Tav walks up to me, offers me a hand which I take and he smirks at me. I held up a hand. "Not. In. The. Mood," I say through gritted teeth as we made our way out.

„Not gonna break MY nose yet, huh?" he smirks.

Ah damn I forgot about the gun, ah well, I won't swallow my pride just to look for a gun that might save my life. No, my pride is more important.

I let Tav and Lag go first since they had the guns and we made our way through the cabin things. As we came through one I saw a hand cannon and grin like a mad woman. "Guys! wait!" I said as I walk over to the hand cannon that was resting on the table. I pick it up, examine it, even though I have no idea how to use a gun, it can't be that hard right? just aim and pull the trigger.

"What is it?" I heard Tav say behind me. I grin and show him. "Now we're all armed. Now let's go, we have to get to Veetor before the others, if we kill the big cute adorable robot, we could get on Shepard's team," They nod but stop walking and look at me confused.

"Since when are you the leader?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, what makes you think you should be our captain crazy gal?" Tav says crossing his arms over his chest.

"Because you two are to immature," I take a fighting stance.

Lagger and Tav look at each other and laugh, I rise an eye brow. "What?" Lag nods towards me. "Your pouting, I don't think that's very mature. Look, I'm the oldest out of you two, so you do what I say," This time I laughed with Tav.

"No offence Brandon, but I don't take orders. From no one," I said.

"Well, tough...And don't say my real name."

I grin evilly. Tav took a step away from me, a bit freaked.

"Oh, hell no," Lag says shaking his head. I nod.

"Oh hell yes," I reply as we make our way out the cabin.

We see a couple of Mechs there but Tav shot one in the head and Lag kicked one, it fell to the floor then Lag crushed it's head under his foot. We all take cover and the Mechs explode. "As much as I love that, what is it with us and making their heads explode?" I asked. They shrug and are about to make our way out of cover when a huge Mech comes out.

"Oh...Crud..." I said quietly as it came in front of us.

Veetor was right behind it.

"Where's Shepard? Shouldn't he be here by now to get Veetor?" Lag asks, loading his pistol and getting into cover behind two large crates. I nod, risking a peek out. The YMIR was slowly walking towards us. Bugger on a jam sandwich.

"Lag, Tav, you both draw it's fire away from me, I have a plan," before they could protest I ran out, almost instantly the big robot shot it's MG at me. I dove for cover behind another crate as the two boys draw it's cover.

I run behind another crate, getting closer to the YMIR. My eyes scan the area and I saw a large junk pile by the stairs where Veetor is. I quickly run under the stairs and pick up a crowbar looking thing. It was metal, small and could brake stuff, that was all I needed.

"Here goes nothing," I said as I ran behind it, I took a huge leap and wrapped my arms around it's neck. It was trying to turn it's head and shot me but it was shooting in all sorts of directions. Tav and lag were looking at me like I was a mad woman, which I kinda was. But a little help would be nice, I couldn't reach the control box.

"Guys!" I yelled, snapping them out of their daze. They drew back it's fire but it's head kept trying to turn around and it kept moving about, trying to get me off, but I wasn't letting go anytime soon.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw three figures jogging towards us- Omigod! Jacob, eh, Miranda. And my all time favourite, Shepard.

Although, before I could make out weather Shep was male or female, (Hey! I can't see thanks to this bloody shaking robot!) the YMIR turned it's head again, it stopped shooting and tried to reach it's hand to pick me up. But, thanks to Lag it turns around again and continues to fire.

I put the small metal thing in my mouth (ew) and climbed up a little so I was sitting on it's shoulders, then as Shepard and co dove into cover besides Tav and Lag, I stabbed the small metal thing in it's head.

Then my eyes widen as I remembered that tiny detail I always forgot.

The head...

I leap off the robots shoulders, landing right on top of Tav, as the robot explodes.

I heard a groan and looked down, whoops. I stood up and rubbed my neck sheepishly. "sorry there Tavs," I said offering him a hand, he took it and rubbed arm. "I think you broke my arm, I can't feel anything," I rolled my eyes and whacked his arm, he yelped in pain and glared at me. I smiled innocently. "Just checking," after that said I turn around and saw Miranda crossing her arms over her chest. She's lucky I can't ** slap her.

"That was really idiotic. Brave, but idiotic," was the first bitchy thing that came out of her mouth. I didn't know weather to be insulted or flattered. Yes I was brave but I was not idiotic.

"Well excuse me for saving my friends lives," I snapped back, quickly glancing at Jacob, his face was blank, then I look at Shepard. He was smiling...Was that a good thing or bad?

(Lagger123987´s POV)

"I got shot" I replied as load a mag in my M92FS Berreta, checking every corner for enemies till a FENRIS comes barging in, Fired a shot, but not much damage from what I can tell, wish I loaded FMJ rather than hollowpoints... went to the nearest crate to take cover from the mech's blast. Me and Lil' Tav started to head on while WA is busy whatever she's doing.

"Wait up!" I heard WA yelled as shes walking up with a hand cannon, "What now?" I replied a bit lazily WA said, "Now we're all armed. Now let's go, we have to get to Veetor before the others, if we kill the big robot, we could get on Shepard's team,"

Woah! I thought, "Since when did you became a leader?" Lil' Tav said, "Yeah, what makes you think you should be our captain crazy gal?" I kinda chuckled quietly for a second. ""Because you two are to immature," WA said.

I waved it off,"I'll take charge, being Da Old Fool in here." as I starting walking out of the shelter building thingy-ma-jiggers. "No offence Brandon, but I don't take orders. From no one," WA said, right there I stopped and turned, "HELL NAW, you didnt just say my real name?" WA grin, "hell yes I did."

Saw some mechs in, Decided to high-knee one and put a bullet to the head with the Berreta. ""As much as I love that, what is it with us and making their heads explode?" WA asked. "Don't know" I replied quickly as a big ** mech comes to view...

"Bak coi noi..."

"Should Shepard already be here by now?" Went to check for my Desert Eagle chambered in .44 rather than the usual .50AE. Might need it just incase, hell, even go dual-weld if I have too.

Before we start shooting, WA ordered, "Lag, Tav, you both draw it's fire away from me, I have a plan," then storm off straight to the YMIR mech "What the hell is she doin?" I outburst, "I don't know, trying to get herself killed?" Lil' Tav replied. "Better provide covering fire" I order Lil' Tav.

As I watch her move, I began shooting at the mech along with Lil' Tav to provide a distraction while she strangle with the YMIR trying to from what I can tell take it's head off. While both me and Lil' Tav still shooting, I manage to a get a glimpse of Shepard and the Cerberus jockeys Miranda and Jacob taking cover behind us.

Then WA manage to take the down mech, though she landed on Lil' Tav. Noticed those two are at it again, just like MSN...just shook my head as I turn to Shep, Miranda and Jacob.

"That was really idiotic. Brave, but idiotic," Miranda said coldly, Man I would pay a pimp to try to straighten up Miranda right now. Jacob just stare blankly into space while Shepard is similing like a kid in the candy shop. Okay...Shep's similing really kinda freak me out a bit, look like he wants to rape us or somthing of the same nature.

"Why do you have bullet holes on your back even though your not bleeding?" Jacob asked as he check my back. "uh, I don't really know...think I got lucky while the mech just take potshots at my hoodie, was using it as a decoy..." 


	3. Tav vs Wa: The Epic Showdown Sort of

_A/N: Finally, another chapter. Big thanks for the review, it made me feel happy. Here´s the new chapter though. Hope you all enjoy reading it!_

TAAVI224´s POV

Shepard walked straight up to me and asked: "You want to join the Normandy crew, right?"

"How did you know?" I sarcastically answer.

"I have been asked to do it throughout the mission against Saren. When we saved a quarian, Tali'Zorah from the Shadow Broker's hitmen, there were about thirty people already there. All wanting to join me, and "befriend" her. There was even one guy with a ponytail! A guy! That´s so 21st century."

"Let me guess… You declined?"

"Obviusly. Although I may make an execption here."

"Why?"

"You three look like you can fight. And I'm short of people to take planetside." Wow. And I thought that we looked like noobs. Wolfangel and Lagger walked to me.

"I'm going to find Veetor. You three coming along or going to the shuttle?" Shepard asked.

I looked at my writing-buddies and they nodded after exchanging glances.

"We'll come."

***later***

Shepard looked annoyed. Veetor babbled about monsters, and eventually, he just couldn't hold himself back and shot the monitors.

"Aaah. No-no-no-no. No monsters. Have to hide," the poor Quarian panicked.

"Veetor. We're trying to help!" Shepard shouted.

At the same moment Tali walked in and hugged Shepard.

"Thank the ancestors you're all right. I was so worried."

"Thank those three," the commander said.

"Thank you for keeping Shepard safe."

I scratched my head.

She then hugged Shepard once more and whispered him something.

Hmm… Now what do we have here?

Shepard gave Veetor to the Migrant Fleet and waved us to follow. Snow was falling everywhere.

Miranda asked me: "So, why didn't the Collectors abduct you too?"

"No clue."

"And why does one of your friends have such an antique weapon?"

"Go ask him yourself. I don't wish to play "20 Questions about my past", because first, I don't like talking about my past, and second, you're Cerberus."

"Cerberus is wrongly understood. Everything we do is ri-"

"Miranda, I've got two words: Shut. Up." Shepard shouted. Guess Shep's quite a renegade. Fun times are coming, fun times.

"Shepard, no disrespect intended, but why did you take these children to the crew?"

Miranda just couldn't let it go.

"Miss I'm-the-best-one, if you don't shut the hell up in five seconds, someone is going to have a bullet in their head. Miranda, I'm the commanding officer, not you. You better learn it."

She froze in shock and took the cold ice-queen image.

"That was fun. We should do it more often," Wolfy said. She then resumed her conversation with Jacob and Lagger.

A few minutes later our shuttle arrived. The airlock decontaminated us and there he was, the living legend, the ace of the Alliance: Jeff "Joker" Moreau.

"Hey Commander! You're bringing children to the mission now?" Seeing Shepards face he then added: "Glad they're not Cerberus. Just a little creepy with those guys."

"Exactly my idea," Shep added.

He then asked us to look around the ship a bit, until he can arrange us some better places to sleep.

"You're young. And it's not good for your spine to sleep in pods," he explained. Nice! I headed to the elevator and prepared to enter it, when Kelly waved me over.

"Yes, ms. Chambers?"

"I need your psych profile."

"…Rrriigghhtt," I slowly answered.

"Don't worry, it'll be quick."

I followed her to the communications room, which had two chairs, not included in the game.

"So, when were you born?"

Think quick, think quick!

"Umm. 2169!" I answered, "2nd of August."

"Earth time?"

"Obviusly."

"Where are you from?"

"Earth."

"City?"

Oh no. What major cities are there?

"San Francisco." I lied.

"How did you meet your friends?"

"Which friends?"

"Those that are with you here."

"On the int- I mean, extranet."

I must have really had a tired face, because she assured me that it was "soon over".

"Have you ever fired a firearm before?"

"Yes." Okay, that wasn't a complete lie, but a lie nonetheless. Airguns don't count.

"And, any martial arts?"

"Judo, for five years." That was true.

"Wow. You're the first person I've heard doing that. Who teached you anyway?"

"Sorry, can't tell that. Can I go now?"

"I hope we'll talk more. You can leave."

I quickly walked away before she could redecide. That didn't exactly classify as a "psychological profile". The elevator doors opened quickly and I stepped inside. I tapped the third floor button and waited about 30 seconds.

I stopped at Miranda's office doors. There were shouts coming from inside. I decided to check what's going on, being the curious person I am. The door opens in front of me.

"Enough. You're relieved of command." Shepard shouted at Miranda.

"But. But. You can't let those CHILDREN have my quarters! I'll tell the Illusive Man!"

"I can actually. Go to your new quarters. I'll get a bed set up in the cargo bay."

"Shepard, why do you trust THEM more than me?"

"I don't. But they're not Cerberus, and that's why I like them."

"Fine! But the Illusive Man will be watching you. After all the kindness we've showed you…"

"Oh, hey, T***i, was it?" Shepard finally notices me.

"It is. What might WA and Lag be doing? I hope I don't sound too rude…" I ask.

"Don't worry. I only hate criminals, Reapers, and those Cerberus bastards. I guess they're getting a psych profile. But why do you people call each other by nicknames?"

"I don't know. Old habit."

Lag and WA show up as well.

Shepard leaves, telling us to enjoy our new quarters. Miranda in the engine room, huh? Fun times, definitely.

WA75´s POV

I walk towards Taavi as Shepard goes away.

"Can you believe it? We're in- well I better not say. The walls have ears, or should I say AI's...though I don't think they do have ears...but you get my drift," I say to Taavi, grinning like I just won a million chocolate bars.  
"Yeah crazy gal, we do. And what's even more great is that Shepard is a renegade," Taavi states cheerfully.

"Me too, but don't you think he's a little too much renegade? I love renegade Shep as much as the next person but one wrong move and he'll probably blow a hole in my head. If he does that I swear I'll come back to haunt him for ruining my hair."

Taavi rolls his eyes and before I could stop him, he ruffles my hair, making it even more like a haystack, I sneer at him and grasp his wrist tightly. "Do that again and I will really consider crushing your nose into your skull," with that I push past him, trying to flatten my wild hair. Tav stays there, smirking, most likely trying to think up a good one-liner.

I soon realize that we're going to recruit Garrus and grin like a mad woman, ah, one of my favorite characters. Legion, Grunt and Joker are my others. Jack was too...violent for me.  
Making my way down to our room, I starting to feel a little sad that I won't see my family or friends again, would I start to go mad? My friend Carrie would seriously just say "Start to? You were born mad," and I would poke my tongue out at her, then we'd laugh. I'm missing her already, my heart aching when I think about my little brother and sister, sure they were a pain in the ass but I love the little buggers.

"Excuse me?" I jump out of my skin, spinning around in a defensive potion, then relax when I see familiar green eyes and short red hair. Kelly, god woman! You scared me half to death!

"Wolfangel I presume?" She questions me, I nod, my eye brows knitting together in confusion. She smiles, offering a hand for me to shake, I grasp it, surprised by how firm she shook my hand. I thought she was more of a gentle flower than a courageous lion.

Wait...

What the hell? Gentle flower? Courageous lion?

Oh my god, I've been hanging out around my aunt way too long, she's starting to rub off on me. "I'm Kelly Chambers, pleased to meet you. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions? Shepard wants to know you're background so I'll write you're profile if you'll just have a chat with me," I nod, feeling a little anxious, I was never one for talking. But I write stories, how hard could lying be?

"Great! Right this way," she gestures for me to follow her, I quietly follow, suddenly gone shy.

"If you'll take a seat," she says to me, nodding towards the chair in the small room, it looked like an interrogation room, which made me even more nervous.

"So, let's start with you're full name," OK, my name couldn't do any harm, but there was no way I was going to use my last name, it was embarrassing. I'll just use my mother's.

"Ellise Curtis, but I have all sort's of nicknames, the most common nicknames though are Elle, WA or Wolfangel. I have this one nickname that comes from my middle name, Lottie. Don't ask," Right, this was going pretty well.  
"When were you born?"

"1996- Oh sorry! I erm was doing er... research for my er ancestors and she was born in that time- sorry you don't want to hear that. It's 2169 in May, Earth time." I stutter nervously, please say that was the right date. Please! That was a guess!

"You're have an interest in history?" She asks, interested herself, I wave a dismissive hand.

"Not really I er was looking at it for my erm...mum. I'm more of an art person like my aunt... she likes alien stuff as much as me..." I should really stop talking.

"You like aliens? Do you study different cultures?"

"Er...some...could we get on with the questions please?" she nods and types something into her omni-tool. God now I know how being interrogated feels.

"Are you Earth-born like your friend Taavi?"

"I said my birthday was in earth-time didn't I?" I snap at her, then regret it. I was just really nervous.

"Where abouts are you from on earth?" er...Does London exist here? No er...Tokyo does though...

"The New, New york. You know, Tokyo..." I mummer in worry. She narrows her eyes.

"You don't sound like your from Tokyo," Because I've never been to New york! "Er well I grew up in new England...and moved...from there to Tokyo...to er live with my er friend...Carrie," I smile weakly, after that pathetic excuse. But Kelly shrugs, typing it into the omni-tool. Whew! London does exist here!

"Any martial arts?" I shake my head, making my hair fly everywhere.

"Nope, I've been in a few fights, used to do gymnastics. I can still do a back flip, it's the most awesome thing I've ever done. Broke a boy's nose..." I see her eye brow raise.

"Why did you break the boy's nose? Was it in self-defense? Or was it because he provoked you? Do you have temper issues?"

I scowl.

"I don't have temper issues!" I shout defensively and in annoyance, if I had a penny every time somebody asks me that then I would be the most rich person in the world/

"I see..." she trails off, typing something in the omni-tool. I narrow my eyes in anger, she wasn't putting that in was she?

"Is that all? Can I leave now before you put in that I have a sweet problem?" I question her in irritation, standing up. She nods.

"OK, maybe we can chat later,"

Don't count on it, I think to myself just as the lift opens, I blink in surprise when I see a pissed off Miranda standing there, she glowers at me and stalks off. I step in the lift, thinking what the heck has her knickers in a twist.

When the doors hiss open a huff of relief comes from my lips, uncrossing my arms. "Finally!" I exclaim, walking over to my new room. I open the door and grin as I look around.

This was the life.

When I see Tav I grin, forgiving him for making my hair into a haystack earlier. Life was too short to hold a grudge, especially with your friends. "Alright Tav? By the way I call shotgun on the bed next to the window, and we should put a line up so we can put curtains on there. I'm a girl after all sharing a room with too guys."

Lag suddenly speaks up and I jump from not noticing him earlier: "I'll get Redhead to get us some curtains that we can throw over the line, since ya a girl and all, it will give you privacy."

"Awesome," I nod, walking towards my new comfy bed. I stand up on it, wobbling a little, then I jump on it. Suddenly a purple ball pops up.

"I must advise you to stop jumping on Ms. Lawson's bed,"

"I must advise you to kiss my ass!" I snap back at her cheerfully, grinning. Lag and Tav laugh at that as I swear the AI gives me a disaproving look like a mother. I roll my eyes and do a forward flip on the bed, almost landing on my feet, instead I fall on my back. "Trampolines are a lot bouncier," I stated grumpily as I rub my behind.

"Garrus would've liked it better if you had stayed on your feet," Tav states smirking his ass off, I send him a death glare and throw up my middle finger.

"Whatever Tav. Just...Shut up."

"Your only saying that because you can't think of anything else to say back."

I grind my teeth together and tackle him, hearing Brandon saying: "This is Msn all over again." I kick Tav in his 'area' and hear Lag wince.

"Just more vivid to picture," Tav pulls my hair and I let out an angry growl, Lag pulls us apart as I try to kill him, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Yo, lil' WA, Lil' Tav! Cut it out yeah?"

I huff out, "Whatever. If you need me, I'll be putting up my fort and my hammock." With that I turn on my heel and walk towards my part of the room. The door suddenly hisses open as if on cue and I yank the silky blue curtains from Kelly's hands, nodding thanks to her I stride angrily over to my area and put the line up and throwing the silky blue martial over the line and spreading it out, then I grab the hammock out of her hands too and stand behind the blue curtains and stand on the sofa to put up the hammock. I open the curtains when I'm done, taking the pillows from the floor and throwing them onto the sofa and one on my hammock. Then I grin, putting my hands on my hips and examining my work. hmm...one thing missing...

Oh yeah, music.

I take my iPod out of my pocket and throw it onto my hammock, there. Done.

"Not bad WA," Tav says.

I send him a cheeky grin.

"Thank you." Wait, I forgived him a bit too quick, didn´t I?

_A/N: You may have noticed no Lagger123987's POV. He's unfortunately out of time, but he hasn't quit. Come on, review! It would make all three of us happy._


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